Note: This piece was written by trick-ass mark Paul O’Neill, the resident gangster of Netherlands.
Eastern Conference
Buffalo Sabres (1) vs Ottawa Senators (4)
That’s pretty sweet we get to watch the two best teams from each conference in the conference finals. Sometimes we get a team like the Capitals in ’97 or the Hurricanes in ’02 who we know are just going to get brutally and sexually molested in the finals.
I hate to say this but I really like Ottawa. It’s just that you never know which team is going to show up. Alfredson, Heatley and Spezza are unstopable right now and occupy 3 of the top 5 spots in post season scoring. Spezza has actually learned how to shoot and hasn’t let his production slip as he’s trying to establish himself as a playoff performer. Alfredson has regained his flow since a horrible start to the season.Ray Emery has made Ottawa’s pickup of Martin Gerber be one of the worst moves in the off season. Man, Gerber is useless. It’s nice now that Ottawa has a solid goaltender in net, which they have never had and always been their downfall.
The laws of gravity don’t seem to apply to the Sabres forwards. Afinogenov is ridiculous. I don’t think anyone would disagree with a Bure reference when watching him play. That motherfucker has ridiculous hands and hes going to make Phillips and Volchenkov wish they were injured watching the highlights next morning after the game.
Buffalo hasn’t even played its best in the playoffs yet. They have four lines who can score and are constantly flying on the ice. It’s going to come down to Spezza’s line and whether they can maintain their production or whether Miller catches fire.
The bad blood is still there from the Drury hit proving this will be a physical series. Ottawa is bigger, stronger and hungrier and has in my mind the better goalie.
Ottawa in 7 (fuck you Otttawa)
Western Conference
Detroit Red Wings (1) vs Anaheim Ducks (2)
I think this series is going to be a lot more interesting than people are giving it credit for. Detroit’s coming off a nice 3 game win streak against what was my pick to be the cup winners (the Sharks) while Anaheim was able to dispatch Vancouver in a tidy 5 games. Datsyuk and Zetterberg are pretty much doing whateva(!) they want because of Holmstrom sitting his enourmouss ass in front of the net. Since he came back last week from an eye injury, the Wings have yet to lose.
Chelios and Lidstrom are logging 26 and 30 minutes a night, respectively. It’s going to be a clash between the two best defensive pairs all season. Pronger and Niedermayer have lived up to all the hype since Pronger was dealt to Anaheim and signed for 5 years at $31.5 million in the summer. I wonder if there’s ever been a series before which featured each of the Norris finalists.
Selanne is a horse, and probably has a huge horse cock. He’s over 35 and he puts up 48g and 46a and a plus 26. With McDonald and Kunitz, they form one of the most underated top lines in the game. Hasek vs Giguere will be a decent matchup, both having experience in the finals with Giguere even earning MVP against the Devils in 2003.
I’ve been in love with Anaheim for awhile now, Pronger and Niedermayer just make me wet and I can’t help it. Also, Kris Draper is officially the worst player in the NHL and stole someone’s spot on the Olympic team in ’06 and was the official aids that cost us to lose.
Anaheim in 7 (in one hell of a series)
Note: This piece was written by trick-ass mark Paul O’Neill, the resident gangster of Netherlands.