This article has been submitted by Stu Wilkinson.
Welcome to the Beijing Olympics version of Gary Roberts Wednesday. I was going to pick Chinese synchronized divers Lin Yue and Huo Liang after their gold medal performance in men’s synchronized diving, but then I remembered that they can’t Google Tiananmen Square. You have to be able to Google Tiananmen Square in order to get your own Gary Roberts Wednesday. Dems da rules.
Anyways, Chris Kaman is apparently playing for the German men’s basketball team this year. This gives Germany a three-headed frontcourt monster of Kaman, Dirk Nowitzki, and former Penn State big man Jan Jagla (Jagla really should have been a hockey player, just so I could hear Don Cherry say “Janny Jagla” once). In their first game against Angola those three picked up 57 points while only missing seven shots, alerting the rest of the world that the German team had some top-tier bigs.
Of course that was against Angola, the traditional punching bag of Olympic basketball. In their second game, against those pesky Greeks, the Germans lost by 23. For some reason Kaman only played 16 minutes. Coincidence? I doubt it. The Germans are obviously playing possum right now, waiting for the medal round to fully unleash the devastating 260 pounder from Grand Rapids.
Although he’s from Michigan, Kaman became German this year in order to play in the Olympics and lead the Fatherland to the basketball glory it rightfully deserves. Apparently his great-grandparents were German or something, but if Chris Kaman is German then Brett Hull is a born and bred American and J.R. Holden is more Russian than Boris Yeltsin. But who really cares, because Chris Kaman makes the Olympics better. He would make it a whole lot better if he still had his goofy haircut from a couple years ago, but that might be asking too much.
Last year he lost that absurd shoulder-length, Kate Moss-thin hairstyle and emerged as the heir to the Brad Miller Memorial Throne for white “American” big men. He averaged 16 points and 12 boards a game for the Clippers, becoming the bright spot for a team that had a dark, dark season. Next year he’ll be playing with Marcus Camby, Baron Davis, and Ricky “How Am I Not Playing In Europe” Davis. I’m ready to pencil him in for 15 and 10 right now, along with enough blocks to give the Clippers one of the best interior defenses in the league.
I don’t think anyone saw Kaman becoming a double double guy in the NBA. He was moderately hyped coming out of Central Michigan, going sixth overall in the 2003 Draft over quality college players like Kirk Hinrich, T.J. Ford, and David West. Maybe this was because Kaman averaged 22 and 12 in that beast of a basketball conference known as the MAC. Big men from the MAC always work out. Nine times out of ten Elgin Baylor’s going to take a solid MAC big man over a lousy National Player of the Year like David West.
When I first saw Kaman play he was going against Duke in the NCAA Tournament as a respected big man from a non-BCS school. Him and his Central Michigan Chippewas got stomped and made me look like a complete ass for picking Duke to lose in the first round. Now he’ll probably get stomped by Rrrricky Rrrrubio and Spain tomorrow and make me look like an ass again, but if Kaman and the Germans manage to make the medal round and play the Redeem Team remember who told you to take Germany and the points. Me, baby, me.
Inside the Numbers
1 career NCAA Tournament appearance
2.8 blocks per game last season (3rd in the NBA)
1 incredible YouTube biography
$10 million a year until 2012
2 balls grabbed by Reggie Evans
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFcinlrgojk]
This article has been submitted by Stu Wilkinson.
