That’s right. Today signifies the day that the God of Golf returns to his throne. The robot I refer to is, of course, Tiger Woods.
Just to clear things up, I’m calling him The Robot because it’s true, he’s a robot. He started out as the new hot golfer but people were slowly starting to catch on to the truth. He was designed by the PGA to add some zing to the TOUR, which he has successfully done.
Eight months ago, however, the PGA dealt with the fact that he was winning too much. The PGA tried to deal with it via a less than drastic measure – by taking out some screws in his knee and messing with the wiring, but he still came out on top in the U.S. open, so more drastic measures were being considered. He ended his season early to have work done on his knee (read: re-programming), and conveniently had a kid over this time (read: test-tube baby). Shameless acts by the PGA to make him look more “real,” but now, he returns…
Okay, back to the upcoming tournament and Tiger’s return to the links. Being the top-rated golfer, Woods is seeded against 64th ranked Australian Brendan Jones. The only reason Jones really has a chance is because the last two times Tiger didn’t win this tournament, he was beat by Australians who obviously had to represent at home. So if by some miracle, the Aussie Gods again say, “this is my house, bitch!” Jones might win. For the time being, he should just enjoy playing with one of golf’s greats, and possibly buy his ticket to watch the rest of the tournament from a half decent vantage point.
For the rest of the tournament, I don’t really see Tiger running into many problems. Even though he was off for eight months he is still the number one ranked man and, because of this, will have slightly easier match-ups throughout the week. Keep in mind he won the U.S. open with extreme discomfort in his knee. He has had quite a few practice rounds and obviously wouldn’t come back unless he was comfortable swinging again. He is the obvious favorite and will place high, but how high is the question.
First is the answer. (And if not first, then second, but only in a final round tie leading to a playoff where someone will go all Tanya Harding on his knee.) Tiger’s consistency and thirst for competition makes him what he is, so eight months off the tour has definitely made him crave that first place title again. I’m not settling for anything less than second place, I doubt he will either.