As a Canadian, I joined my countrymen in the giving of thanks over a month ago. But as a sports fan, I cannot help but feel a part of the American version of the holiday. The reason for this is simple: the North American sports leagues flood us with content to coincide with the holiday.
How deep does my commitment to the holiday go? In high school, I had a tradition of playing sick every Thanksgiving Thursday, without fail, so that I could be assured of not missing a moment of watching the Lions get embarrassed and whatever mediocre match-up David Stern threw our way.
Let the most obvious of observations reign: Thanksgiving football is an institution on either side of the border. So, with the day of feasting and family upon us once again, why not use the opportunity to unleash a succession of NFL Tangents.
Nothing captures the spirit of the holiday season like a string of non sequiturs! Onward and upward…
• Does anyone else get the sense that Chris Johnson is destined to play Barry Sanders to Adrian Peterson’s Emmitt Smith (only if, you know, Smith was a complete freak of human nature)? It would shock me very little if a decade from now I am explaining to my nephews how Peterson became the league’s best running back since James Brown but that Johnson had more memorable runs than anyone this century. Just a pleasure to watch them both.
• Speaking of the Vikes, I don’t think it is too much to ask to demand that we get treated to Favre-Green Bay Part 3 in the playoffs. I feel for the Packers fans, and believe nothing will heal their wounds like seeing Old Man Brett and his Wranglers throw his fourth pick of the game and seal Minnesota’s fate, then hop back up on his tractor. The good people of Wisconsin deserve that. They need it. Seeing him accept an MVP trophy would be too much.
• Everyone points to Randy Moss, and understandably so given their obviously similar physical gifts, but the player Calvin “All-World Ability” Johnson needs to study is Reggie Wayne. Like Johnson, Wayne did not start his career with play that suggested his greatness was preordained. Instead he worked. He learned. He studied. And now he is the best receiver in football and will someday be heading to Canton. (Having Peyton Manning throw him the rock and learning under Marvin Harrison didn’t exactly hurt his chances though…)
• Hey Bears fans, at least you can look forward to the Draft and using your first round pick to help shore up…what’s that? Oh. Well. Um…let’s just move along then.
• I can’t decide if Jared Allen looks like he belongs with Leonidas and his bold 300, but as a stunt double in the Mick Foley biopic. What I do know, though, is that he is a bad, bad man.
• Having Steven Jackson on your Fantasy team is a practice in subtle self-hatred. Trying to comprehend how he could so effortlessly earn yardage, yet so definitely fail to put the ball in the end-zone, is a practice that only a man who hates his life would freely take up. You are looking at just such a man.
• Please, football Gods, find Matt Leinart a starting job. There is no way I will believe that he isn’t more qualified and capable than the Marc Bulgers, Alex Smiths, and Trent Edwards of this world.
• Charles Woodson may never have turned into the World Beater he looked like at Michigan, but he has had a wonderfully productive career and should be looked at as a major contender for Defensive Player of the Year.
• The exact same thing can be said for Nick Harper and everyone else on Tennessee. And by same, I mean opposite – they are beyond awful.
• If you are a member of the NFL media and have an MVP vote, and choose not to use it on Peyton Manning or Drew Brees, you will officially be required to forfeit your voting rights.
• Let this be said about the marketing push being put on by the Rogers Centre for the Bills’ “Toronto Series” game next week: at least it is a reprieve from the ads for the Bon Jovi concert that doesn’t even happen until next summer. Really, in 2009, why in the name of Eddie Van Halen are you advertising for a Bon Jovi concert nine months out? I would rather see more of those ridiculously uninspired “T.O. in T.O.!!!” billboards.
• To all those that think VY might be able to run the table, I applaud your optimism, but also remind you that doing so would require a win over Arizona this week and Indy the next. Not saying this is impossible, but I like Topher Grace’s chances as a bankable leading man more. Sorry. (In Fez voice: “I said good day.”)
**This one is being added in by the editor, Blake Murphy, while Trev is on the Vince Young topic: Lil’ Wayne’s line “Vince Young…suicide doors” in Break Up from the No Ceilings mixtape is maybe the cruelest athlete-rap lyric tie-in ever.**
• It dawns on me that the sort of people who casually watch football, yet are clear about their like of the Patriots, are the same kinds of people who like Dane Cook, who read Tucker Max, and who saw 2012 and Law Abiding Citizen. Needless to say, I do not like these people.
• Coors Light Ad Guys – on the upside, congrats, you win as the best mass-marketed beer commercial campaign. On the other hand, since Bud Light Guy and Miller Golden Wheat voiceover were your only contenders, maybe this is not something to brag about.
• Thanksgiving football just is not the same without Madden and his Tur-duck-en. A little part of me still holds out hope that he will re-enter the fray, if only to tell us about what a good stoop he just sat in. I miss you, John.
• Five fearless predictions for the weekend ahead: New England topples the Saints, Houston surprises Indy, Baltimore takes it to Pittsburgh, San Fran catches Jacksonville sleeping, and I waste at least 8 hours watching games when I should be working.
Get home safe, tip your waiters, and don’t forget to talk your doctor to see if Cialis is right for you.