Jack brings us the Game 1 Hangover, er, Recap
Titans have clashed. Garnett has broken out his Big Bad Wolf routine, futility included. Big Baby has wept, and surely already deflected criticism. Gasol has shut everyone up, for now at least. And Kobe’s jaw has jutted out unnecessarily.
Yes, Game 1 is in the books. Time to stretch, exercise, paint, and dissect. Really, what else are we going to do with our time between now and Sunday night, go see Marmaduke? I think not.
Top 5 Takeaways
5. Boston’s Foul Trouble: If Boston hopes to win Game 2, Ray Allen cannot be glued to the bench – foul trouble completely limited his ability to find his rhythm.
4. Garnett’s Threadbare: Father Time blocked at least three of KG’s lay-ins on Thursday. Not a good sign for the Murph and Sully crowd.
3. Artest’s Plus/Minus: Ron-Ron was +26 in Game 1. As astounding as that is, it may have been less impressive than when he was the voice of reason keeping Lamar Odom from getting a technical. Apparently we have wandered into Bizarro world.
2. Gasol is an Elk, not a Gazelle: 14 rebounds, including eight offensive, to Garnett’s four. Maybe he isn’t as physical or tough as Garnett or Kendrick Perkins, but he is certainly better than them. Maybe that is enough.
1. Kobe is…Kobe: What, you were expecting Smush Parker, perhaps?
Low 5 Takeaways
5. Rasheed’s Technical: Sheed was good enough to provide high school coaches everywhere with a textbook example of what a ‘bad technical’ looks like, in terms of game situation and relevance. Like Wu-Tang before him, Sheed is for the children.
4. Rise of the Machine: Seeing Sasha Vujacic appear that early in the first quarter, following Derek Fisher picking up a foolish second foul, had the profound effect of making me wish I hadn’t quit drinking. Thanks Sasha!
3. Grown-Ups: I can deal with the fact that David Spade, a no-talent hack who was washed up ten years ago and whose hair piece is funnier than he ever was, has courtside seat – life isn’t fair, I know this. I can even deal with Kevin “I Don’t Have any Concept of How Basketball Works” James also being courtside, if only because his mall-cop movie made a lot of money from a lot of a very dumb people. What I cannot tolerate? The ABC and ESPN crews, respectively, drooling over Chris Rock as “the funniest guy in America.” Ah, no offense to Mr. Champagne Room but it is 2010, not 1999. Chris Rock’s cultural relevance is about on par with Ricky Martina and Fred Durst. Seriously. “Bigger and Blacker” was eleven years ago! The fact that Kobe wasn’t fazed by Rock chirping him? Not that big of a deal.
2. Mike Breen’s Research: Breen is actually a fine lead announcer, but hearing Jeff Van Gundy immediately call him out for bad research was phenomenal. Breen was trying to emphasize how difficult it will be for Boston to win all three games at home in the 2-3-2 format and underlined his point by saying that no team has ever won those three straight. Within a nanosecond, Van Gundy jumped to point out that not only had the 2004 Pistons done this, but so had the 2006 Miami Heat. Breen literally said nothing and just let the awkwardness hang. Bravo JVG.
1. Stuart Scott’s Man Crush for Magic Johnson: Magic is one of the best to ever play. We know, Stu. We get it. Surprisingly, the phrase “five-time champion and NBA Hall of Famer” is not actually part of Johnson’s name. You don’t have to say it every time you come back from a break. You also do not need to so completely and blindly dismiss the fact that Kobe enters Magic’s territory in the “Best Laker Ever” argument with another title, especially since Magic is one of the people making the argument. Very boo-yeah Mr. Scott. Very boo. Very yeah.