This article was a part of The 63rd Carnival of the NBA. Thanks, Waiting for Next Year.

I’ve been dreading this day for some time now. I knew it wasn’t a matter of “if,” rather “when.” The point when this economic crisis hits close to home.

Over the past six months I embarked upon a job search and experienced the harsh realities of the economic contraction. Through the hard times, I always had the world of sports to fall back on. Sports was my disconnect from the real world; whether it was the sheer enjoyment of watching a game, neglecting a fantasy team or making quick witted quips about a multi-millionaire athlete declaring he “has a family to feed.” Sports were my release.

But that has all changed.

The Suns are looking to shed upwards of $40 million in salary. That’s a lot. I know Suns owner Robert Sarver has been called “cheap” by many in the past, but this seems extreme even for him. Is this driven by a desire to improve and put a better product on the floor?

Not according to JA Adande’s chat.

Two responses stood out, in reference to the Suns.

J.A. Adande: More than rebuilding mode, the Suns are going to shift into cost-saving mode. So I wouldn’t look for them to make a move that puts them in contention, because that would probably mean taking on expensive, long-term contracts.

And

J.A. Adande: One thing I was told by a Suns source was that moves would not be made for competitive reasons, it’s financial. So if you’re not making competition a priority, it doesn’t matter which team you’re improving or where they play.

But I thought sports was untouchable, the last refuge. Why are the Suns going in to cost saving mode when they should be trying to win?

cheap plug!), probably the best Phoenix Suns blog out there, and stumbled across this link from nba.com.  David Aldridge’s sources seem to confirm what JA Adande mentioned in his chat last week.

Is Sarver in the poor house? How bad could it be?

A quick Google search shed some light on the situation. Robert Sarver made the bulk of his money in real estate and banking. Uh oh.

Other than the Suns, Sarver’s big business ventures are Southwest Value Partners – a private real estate firm that operates in the US southwest; Meritage Homes – a publicly traded company that designs and builds single-family attached and detached homes in the southern and western United States; SkyWest – an airline; and Western Alliance Bancorp, a bank holding company of which he is President and CEO.

(Before I go any further, let me state a huge assumption – I’m making a likely erroneous assumption that Sarver has not significantly changed the number of shares he holds in each of these companies. I realize that this is likely incorrect, however I don’t have the time or resources to check the actual historical figures. Additionally, I will be using approximations and generous rounding principles.)

Currently Sarver holds approximately 4 million shares of Western Alliance Bancorp(WAB), currently trading just above $6.40/share. Based on current figures, Sarver’s stake in WAB is approximately $25.6 million – a nice figure. However, relative to 2006 figures, Sarver is down considerably. In 2006, WAB was trading around $37.50/share, giving Sarver, at the time a $150 million investment in WAB.

Similarly, Sarver holds  approximately 1.7 million share of Meritage Homes Corporation (MHC) which is trading around $12.40/share. $21.1 million is pretty good.  But not nearly as good as 2005, when MHC shares were valued at $92.95/share, giving Sarver just shy of $149 million.

The airline industry has also been hit hard by the recession. As a director of Skywest, Sarver has just over 25,400 shares of the company, worth approximately $330,000. In 2005, these shares would be worth almost twice as much at $838,000.

Because SouthWest Value Partners is not a public company, I’m unable to find market valuation data or Sarver’s share count, however my guess is his stake is worth much less now than it was a few years ago. SouthWest Value Partners is a real estate investment firm that operates mainly in Arizona, California and Nevada- three of the states that have been hit hardest by foreclosures(table below).

via static.seekingalpha.com

So after some very rough calculations, Sarver’s had a bit of a rough patch, “losing” an approximate $253 million in the stock market, a value that looks to increase further in the coming weeks. Maybe this explains the cost cutting and absolute fear of the luxury tax.

Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe during this time, you’re like me and need sports to be that disconnect. Maybe you think the owner should put a winning team on the floor at all costs – both figuratively and literally.

(When I originally posted this to BSOS on Tuesday, the loss value was ”only” $246 million. Losing $7 million in 3 days is rough.)

Sadly, I am without a “current” gaming system. Because of this, I’m probably not the person videogame developers have in mind as they brainstorm new ideas. Just because I don’t play any new games doesn’t mean there aren’t game ideas out there that I think should be made. Like a lot of kids, I had a very active imagination while I was growing up and every once in a while my creative/imaginative streak comes back. This is one of those “once in a whiles.” I now present to you videogames I wish were made.

Steve Smith’s Punchout!!

You start out fighting DBs on a football field before moving on to the squared circle of professional boxing. Do you have what it takes to become the next IBWABCWBKWAS Champion?

Maurice Clarett’s Big Game Hunter

Anyone who has as many guns as Mo Clarett must be a hunter, right?

To Tell the Truth: the Video Game. With special guest host “Rocket” Roger Clemens

As host of this game version of To Tell the Truth, “Rocket” Roger Clemens follows in the footsteps of the legendary Bud Collyer, Garry Moore, Joe Garagiola, Robin Ward, Gordon Elliot, Alex Trebek, John O’Hurley and Lynn Swann. Who misremembers now?

Need for Speed and Weed: Josh Howard edition

Sometimes one vice just isn’t enough.

Street Fighter: Kwame Brown’s Cake edition

Sure, you’ve battled Balrog, Vega, Sagat, M. Bison, Fei Long and T. Hawk, but can you beat a drunk, cake-wielding Kwame Brown?

Barry’s Dream Land

Still blackballed from Major League Baseball, Barry Bonds overtakes Kirby’s Dream Land in his pursuit of all the hidden cream and clear.

GTA: UFC Featuring Rampage Jackson

Race around the Left Coast, are you going to let the “authorities” stand in your way?

Major League Eating: The Game. Oliver Miller’s BACK! And he’s HUNGRY!

A classic triple threat showdown between Kobayashi, Joey Chestnut and Oliver Miller. Wouldn’t want to be a hot dog at that party.

Hard Truck: 18 Wheels of Steel – Nate Newton edition

As Nate Newton, you race across the country in your 18-Wheeler, running from the law, protecting your “special” cargo.

Ben Johnson’s Track and Field: 20th Anniversary Edition

This special commemorative edition of Ben Johnson’s Track and Field celebrates Johnson’s 1988 World Record breaking performance of 9.79 seconds in the 100 meters at the Seoul Olympics.

Oh no! Time to duck for cover. What happens if GTA: UFC Featuring Rampage Jackson meets Hard Truck: 18 Wheels of Steel – Nate Newton edition and then Need for Speed and Weed: Josh Howard edition races in…pure chaos. Everyone, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street!

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

I like amateur sports. There’s something about them that gets me every time; maybe it’s the unbridled passion or the sometimes reckless abandon that players play with. The game is just different, whether its football, basketball, baseball or even hockey. I am not trying to open the debate about whether amateur sports are better than pro, or if one is more entertaining than the other, it’s just something different, something that might be more pure.

I should clarify at this point, I’m not talking about NCAA vs. the NFL or NBA; we’re talking Canadian Interuniversity Sport. Legitimate amateurs. Amateur does not mean bad; most of the players out there are quite good, maybe just not as polished or as athletically gifted as some of their American counterparts that you watch on Saturday afternoons on CBS/ABC. As someone who once played high school sports and has coached high school football, I can tell you that the CIS is a big step up.

One of my favorite activities over the past 10 years has been watching live CIS football on Saturday afternoons in the fall, first at Ottawa U and later at Queen’s. Depending on the matchup, the atmosphere can be quite lively, and fans (me) can get quite worked up.

One of my fondest CIS memories was a game from 2003. It was September 22nd, and the No. 3 ranked McMaster Marauders were squaring off against the No. 4 ranked Queen’s Golden Gaels. Not only was it a showdown of two elite teams, the game also featured two the Canada’s premier college players – Queen’s QB Tom Denison and Mac RB Jesse Lumsden. By the time each of their CIS careers were over, their names would be scattered throughout the CIS and OUA record books and between them they have 3 Hec Creighton Awards as Canada’s top player.

It was one of the liveliest non-Homecoming games I have ever been to. The majority of the 6,337 fans in attendance were on their feet throughout the game. Two of the prime targets were Mac CB Kwame Aidoo and Lumsden. Chants such as “Kojo’s better”-directed at Aidoo, whose older brother Kojo won a Hec a few seasons earlier – and “Jesse, you’ll never be better than your dad” – in reference to Lumsden’s father Neil who was a standout fullback in the CIS and CFL. There were several that were much catchier, and also far more offensive, but this is a family site (editor’s note: huh???).

The game lived up to its potential. Tied at 20, with under a minute to go, Denison found Craig Spears on a 99-yard pass-and-run touchdown play that gave Queen’s a 27-20 lead with only 28 seconds on the clock. I thought the game was over, but no one told Lumsden about that. On the ensuing kickoff, he returned the ball 88-yards for a TD, sending the game into overtime. In the extra series, Mac’s kicker Mike Ray booted a 21-yard field goal for the win, 30-27.

To this day, that game remains one of the most memorable football games I have ever seen.

But every once in a while the taunts come back to haunt me; is Jesse the better Lumsden? Or does his father Neil still have that crown? For those unfamiliar with CIS football and the CFL, a quick background on the two Lumsdens.

In college, Neil Lumsden was a standout fullback and place kicker for the University of Ottawa Gee-Gees, who won the 1975 College Bowl (Vanier Cup). About the Gee-Gees, Toronto Sun reporter Bob Elliot commented, “Often people ask me what was the most exciting team that I ever covered? Was it the 1992 Toronto Blue Jays or the 1993 Blue Jays? Neither. The answer is the 1975 Ottawa Gee Gees!” With the Gee-Gees, Neil set a CIS scoring record that, to this day, has yet to be broken. After his stellar college career, Neil joined the CFL, playing 9 seasons with the Toronto Argonauts, Hamilton Tiger-Cats and Edmonton Eskimos. During his CFL career, Neil received a number of accolades and won several Grey Cups.

Neil’s son Jesse has also had quite the football career. After winning the Hec Crighton Award as Canada’s best collegiate football player in 2004 and appearing in the East-West Shrine Bowl, Jesse signed an undrafted free agent contract with the Seattle Seahawks. After being released by the Seahawks, Jesse joined the Hamilton Tiger Cats, the team that had drafted him 6th overall in the 2005 CFL Draft. The following year, Jesse once again pursued his NFL dreams, attending training camp with the Washington Redskins before being release and rejoining the Tiger-Cats.

Accolades
Neil Lumsden
College Career

• College Bowl/Vanier Cup Champion (1975)
• 3 time OUAA East MVP (1972, 1973, 1975)
• 1 time CIAU All Canadian (1975)
• Most career points (410)

Professional Career

• 1 time CFL East Most Outstanding Rookie (1976)
• 3 time Grey Cup Champion (1980-1982-Edmonton)
• 2 time CFL Eastern Division All-Star
• 1 time Most Outstanding Canadian in the Grey Cup (1981)
• 1 time Grey Cup Champion (as a GM) (1999-Hamilton)

Jesse Lumsden
College Career

• 1 time OUA MVP (2004)
• 1 time Hec Creighton Award (CIS MVP)(2004)
• 2 time OUA First Team All Star (2003-04)
• 2 time CIS First Team All Canadian (2003-04)

Comparable Statistics
Through July 28, 2008

There you have it. I think it’s quite clear that Neil Lumsden had the better college career. Thus far, Neil has also had a more accomplished professional career, achieving both individual and team success. When Jesse joined the Tiger-Cats, he was put in a bad situation. During his first two partial seasons, the TiCats finished 5-13 and 4-14, both worst in the league, which resulted in a coaching staff shakeup. In 2007, the Ti-Cats declined again, going 3-15; so far in 2008, the team is 1-4. Without team success, it is difficult to receive individual accolades.

Statistically, per game, Jesse has been much better than his father. Unfortunately NFL aspirations and injuries have limited Jesse to an average of just over 6 games a season. As such, both father and son have similar production numbers over the course of each of their respective seasons.

If you have one game, take Jesse. If you need commitment and durability for an entire season, take Neil.

(Who’s better in blue?)

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

Awesome or sad? The only two “sporting events” I’ve watched in the last two weeks were BoSox-Yanks at Yankee Stadium and Joey Chestnut defending his Nathan’s Hot Dog Championship at Coney Island.

Messier (potential) divorce? Brett Favre and the Packers or A-Rod and Cynthia.

Readable? A story about a (possible) coaching controversy in women’s basketball at a Canadian university.

More memorable? Ken Read- the Crazy Canuck or Ken Read- the guy who was in one episode of Corner Gas.

More than meets the eye? The firing of Ted Nolan.

Crying over spilt milk? Outrage that Canadians’ favorite male and female athletes are Tiger Woods and Maria Sharapova, respectively.

For the love of the game or pathetic? Players who play in the Can-Am baseball league.

Better Lakers fan? Jack Nicholson or Denzel Washington.

Better actor? Jack Nicholson or Denzel Washington.

More street cred? Jack Nicholson or Denzel Washington.

What was Rampage Jackson thinking?

Better Sunday hangover activity? Watching the final round of PGA tournament or a combination of motorsports (F1, Cart, NASCAR).

A bigger deal to the CFL? Bob Ackles passes away or an unidentified (former?) Blue Bomber’s cheerleader has taken scantily clad pictures of herself.

Better “Triple Crown”? Pro-wrestling, thoroughbred horse racing, or baseball.

Better quotes? Shaq or Sir Charles.

Dustin Pedroia? Tall enough to go on rides at the amusement park.

The right to be upset? At the MLB All-Star Game, Sheryl Crow sang the American anthem while a recorded version of the Canadian one was played.

Finished? Yes.

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

The “intro” for these things is always the hardest part. I pretty much know what the content is going to be and I even have a catchy little ending already picked out, but how do I ease you, the reader, into this little diddy? How do I rationalize what I’m about to present?

Do I use a cheesy anecdote that may or may not be true? Maybe a joke of sorts? Or maybe that “Youtube” that the kids are always talking about…let’s go with that last one.

Hmmm, nice video, but what’s the sports connection?

You see, celebrities-like Jessica Alba and Cameron Diaz- like to spend time doing things outside. Some times these things are sports – the above video also features champion surfer Kelly Slater, albeit briefly. These celebrities also occasionally appear in movies that loosely feature sports in their plotlines – a bit like this piece, I guess. Without further ado, attractive female celebrities and movies that have at least one sports related connection. Maybe the title needs some work, oh well…on with the show

This nice young woman is Marguerite Moreau. “Who?” you ask. You might not recognize her, but in her younger years she donned No. 18 for District 5, Team USA at the Junior Goodwill Games, and even at Eden Hall Prep. Yea, that’s right, Marguerite played Connie Moreau in all three of the Mighty Ducks movies. Keep in mind, she’s not a lady, she’s a duck!

Unless you’ve been locked in an Austrian cellar for the last few years (too soon?), you’ve become all too familiar with Katherine Heigl. In The Ringer, Heigl plays Lynn Sheridan, a Special Olympics volunteer. In the film, Johhny Knoxville – playing “Jeffy” – falls for Heigl. Though I haven’t seen it, I imagine hilarity ensues.

In 2002, Lacy Chabert played Rachel Sawyer in Hometown Legend. I think IMDB describes it best, when it says, “A teenage drifter finds an opportunity to turn his life around when he joins a high-school football program with a hard-nosed coach.” The rebellious young drifter – played by Nick Cornish – is deeply in love with Chabert’s character, and the two try to discover the power of faith and gain redemption. According to one review “This movie wins. There is no sexual activity, nudity, or perversion of any kind to worry about.” An interesting definition of “win.”

Ah yes, Ms. Lindsay Lohan. Before all of the tabloid headlines and arrests for drugs and booze, she was an aspiring G-movie star. In 2005, in Herbie Fully Loaded, she starred as Maggie Peyton, the driver of the No. 53 car, a ’63 Volkswagon named Herbie! Clearly the car has a mind of its own and there’s some connection to NASCAR or something along those lines. Cute, family fun I’m sure.

As you probably know, Hayden Panetierre is one of those new “it” girls. You know the type, actress AND singer, spokesperson for Neutrogena, Got Milk and Candies. She’s everywhere you turn, which isn’t a bad thing. Anyway, one of her first big roles was in Remember the Titans, but now she’s all grown up and dating a dude who’s 12 years her senior.

It seems like Cameron Diaz has been around forever. And it’s great! A short time after starring in There’s Something About Mary, Diaz took the role of Christina Pagniacci in Any Given Sunday. Pagniacci is the new owner of the Miami Sharks who inherited the team from her father. She takes an active role in the management of the team, inserting a new offensive coordinator and pitting the league commissioner against the mayor of Miami.

Earlyish(?) in her career, while taking a break from 7th Heaven, Jessica Biel filmed Summer Catch, a love story featuring a little bit of baseball. Apparently Freddie Prinze Jr. is a baseball player in the Cape Cod Baseball League who falls for Tenley Parish (played by Biel) whose family is vacationing in Cape Cod. Obviously, Prinze has to juggle his blossoming love with his promising baseball career.

This next one really shouldn’t be in here, but you’ll understand at the end. Rachel McAdams, hot off her role in the Notebook, appeared in the hit comedy Wedding Crashers. At one point in the movie, Claire Cleary – played by McAdams – is in a touch football game against Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. A paper thin connection? Sure. Live with it.

Elisha Cuthbert, she of 24 and hockey player dating fame. Back in 2001, shortly after her stint on Popular Mechanics for Kids ended, she starred in a TV movie called Lucky Girl(Canadian title)/My Daughter’s Secret Life(American title). Cuthbert stars as Katlin Palmerston, a 17-year-old with a dangerous addiction to gambling. It starts with an innocent poker game, followed by a high school sports pool, then Internet roulette. The downward spiral is in full effect! As one synopsis says, “she quickly loses thousands of dollars, and before she knows it, Katlin is forced to repay her debt to a loan shark — by whatever means she can.” Imagination time?

Scarlett Johansson, a favorite here at ODC, stars in Woody Allen’s 2005 film Match Point. Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays a failed professional tennis player, Chris Wilton, who falls for Johansson’s character, Nola. In time, Wilton marries a rich socialite and ascends the professional ladder in his wife’s father’s company. Eventually Meyers crosses paths with Nola again, and she becomes his mistress. Both know that their relationship is wrong, but the passion leaves Chris in danger of losing the wealth and position he has now come to enjoy. “The only solution to the dilemma seems unthinkable.”

The last “featured actress” today is the always wonderful Jessica Alba. Though both Camp Nowhere and Into the Blue have sports angles, I’ll go with the recent “flop” The Love Guru. Like most of these films, I haven’t seen this one- but judging by the box office returns, very few people have, HEY OH! Anyway, I gather Alba plays the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs and enlists the help of Mike Myers’ Guru to help create harmony and bring the Stanly Cup to Toronto. Obviously, it’s not based on a true story.

Well, so ends another picture journey here at ODC. Hmmm, wait a minute…Lohan, McAdams, and Chabert…oh no, Amanda Seyfried (Karen from Mean Girls) wasn’t included! I guess I’ll just have to toss this clip in to make everything ok with the world.

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

If the following paragraphs don’t cement my position as a “cool dude” and potential “heartthrob,” I don’t know what will. The following will be a look into my soul; finally, an answer to the timeless question, what makes me tick?

So without further ado, Alex, what makes you tick?

Puzzles. No, not any of those wonky Sudoku puzzles or even puzzles of the crossword variety. I’m talking about good old fashion jigsaw puzzles.

I honestly don’t remember when I first started puzzling, however I imagine it was sometime around 1986 and likely involved farm animals – kinky, I know. In my early days, puzzles were an educational vehicle; they taught me geography and allowed me to admire art. In recent years, puzzles have become a hobby, a nice activity to enjoy on a cold winter day or a challenge to tackle during a summer blackout.

In recent years I’ve completed a puzzle of Norman Rockwell’s “Pride of Parenthood” painting, a Simpsons collage, and an Impossible – a puzzle with no border, a repeating image and 10 extra pieces. I know what you’re thinking, “this guy is super cool!” Exactly.

This summer, I’ve got two good ones lined up, the first of Germany’s Neushwanstein Castle – the castle that inspired Disney’s Sleeping Beauty castle – and one of Hallstatt, Austria –a UNESCO World Heritage Site and what some call the most beautiful place on earth. No biggie.

If you’ve made it this far, BRAVO! Why the hell is this guy talking about his puzzle hobby on a “sports”-“blog”? Who does he think he is?

There’s a point, honestly. Let’s see, ticking, clock, soul, puzzles, George W. Bush…wait, I didn’t mention that the President is a HUGE puzzle fan and even votes in a puzzle of the year competition? Well there you go.

But the point is: puzzles are huge. January 29th is International Puzzle Day. There has even been several US National Jigsaw Puzzle Championships staged. Between 1982 and 1990, Hallmark sponsored the National Jigsaw Puzzle Championships, held annually in Athens, Ohio at the “World Famous Dairy Barn.”
At this point, I’m sure you’re asking yourselves, “How the hell do you stage a jigsaw puzzle competition?”

Like tennis, there were two main categories of competition, singles and doubles. Both competitions are timed events. The singles competition featured 500 piece puzzles and was limited 360 entrants; the doubles was based around a 1000 piece puzzle and had, at most, 180 teams of two competing. The championships consisted of two rounds held on a Saturday and Sunday. Based on completion times, the top 15 finishers would advance to the Finals on Sunday. It’s important to note that “all puzzles were previously unavailable in stores, featured new die-cuts, and were kept strictly secret prior to the competition.”

As Rick Tealander wrote in Sports Illustrated back in 1983, “It should be noted that watching somebody make a puzzle is about as exciting as watching a worm make soil, unless you care a lot about either process, or it’s done fast.” And fast it was. In 1983, the singles competition was won by Joellen Beifus, who completed her 500 piece puzzle in 59 minutes and 43 seconds. Consider that for a moment. That’s one piece every seven seconds. Her time was 2 hours faster than the previous year’s winner. Though each puzzle is different, a 500 piece puzzle in less than an hour is crazy impressive.

Though the Hallmark Springbok competition was discontinued in 1990, Hasbro reintroduced, albeit briefly, the National Championships in 2000. In addition to the traditional singles and doubles categories, the new competition introduced a new event category, the family/foursome 550 piece category. Even with the rebirth of the competition, no individual could touch Ms. Beifus’ record of sub-60 minutes. This got me thinking, what is the fastest official 500 piece completion time?

I tried to find the 500 piece world record, but it seems as though official records are only kept for 250 piece puzzles. The UK’s Elaine Lewis recently set a new 250 piece World Record of 14 minutes and 58 seconds, which broke the previous record of 34 minutes. One piece every 3.6 seconds! That’s unbelievable! The UK seems to be the new jigsaw hotspot, as they move into their fourth year of the Jig-It National Championships.

Obviously competitive puzzling isn’t for everyone, and because you’re reading a sports site (you’re still reading, aren’t you? Probably not…), you probably have some interest in, you know, more “sporty stuff.” There are a number of solid sports puzzles out there, especially if you’re a fan of Boston sports, ugh….

Some sports related puzzles:

City of Champions: New England Sports Teams was created from images and text appearing in the Boston Globe. It was published by White Mountain Puzzles and has 550 pieces.

The Rookie was originally a painting by Norman Rockwell; it has been turned into a 1000 piece puzzle by Buffalo Games.

American Golf History was designed by James Mallet for White Mountain Puzzles and contains 1000 pieces.

American Sports History was designed by James Mallet for White Mountain Puzzles and contains 1000 pieces.

Football Memorabilia was designed by Michael Harrison, produced by FX-Schmid and contains 500 pieces.

Football History was designed by James Mallet for White Mountain Puzzles and contains 1000 pieces.

Crazy World Cup was created by Mordillo, produced by Heye, and contains an astonishing 4000 pieces.

If you plan on puzzling this summer, a few tips
• Stick with color groups and major objects.
• If you can start with the edge, great, but don’t get hung up on it.
• Don’t try to do the things you can’t do. Keep moving.
• Stay positive!

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

Matthew: Oh, Dave, oh my, you would have loved it… a week in a foreign place, strange people, strange customs.
Dave: I know exactly what you mean, I’ve been to Canada.
Matthew: Trust me, Japan is even more exotic.
Dave: Clearly you’ve never been to Winnipeg.

Alright, I have a confession to make. While I immensely enjoy watching sports, another guilty pleasure of mine is the TV show “Newsradio.” Yes, the wonderful NBC Sitcom that was cancelled 9 years ago. It’s always been near and dear to my heart, and it feels as though my heart is ripped apart every time it begins a new syndication run before being yanked again. TBS, TVTropolis and A&E, I’m looking at you…

For a while now, I’ve been trying to think of a way to integrate Newsradio into one of these little pieces; pretty much I was looking for an excuse to go back and watch a ton of episodes. Could I do one of those comparison pieces, where certain athletes are compared to Newsradio characters? I probably could, but it wouldn’t be very good. Without any sort of “concept,” I shelved the broad theme for a rainy day…

Then this week rolled around. Not only did I have an exam that I was supposed to study for, but the weather was also crappy, with torrential downpours. It was the perfect storm. Procrastination and rain. It was time for a Newsradio marathon! I quickly realized there were a number of “sports” references throughout the series. An idea! Not only can I lie in bed and watch Newsradio, but I can also “write” about something that (very) loosely relates to sports. Without further ado, quotes and plotlines from Newsradio that relate to sports and sport-like-activities!

If you’re not a fan of mid 90s, situation comedies, you can turn back now. Also, some spoilers may follow.

Key Characters:
Dave Nelson (Dave Foley) – News Director
Lisa Miller (Maura Tierney) – reporter/producer
Bill McNeal (Phil Hartman) – news anchor
Catherine Duke (Khandi Alexander) – news anchor
Jimmy James (Stephen Root) – billionaire and eccentric station owner
Beth (Vicki Lewis) – Dave’s wacky secretary
Matthew Brock (Andy Dick) – news reporter/spazz
Joe Garrelli (Joe Rogan) – station’s electrician/handy-man and conspiracy theorist
Max Lewis (Jon Lovitz) – Bill McNeal’s replacement as news anchor

From Day 1, sports played an integral role in the show. In the Pilot (1.01), fresh faced, Wisconsin raised Dave Nelson arrives in New York to become the News Director at radio station WNYX. His first job? Fire the old News Director, Ed Harlow. In an attempt to avoid conflict, Dave pretends to be the new Sports guy. Additionally, eccentric radio station owner Jimmy James decides to purchase a sporting goods store. Please note the lack of consistency in the accuracy department.

Nice sports related dialogue:
(Dave goes in the booth to do a sports rundown with Bill McNeal, once Dave sits down, the On Air sign is illuminated, but Dave doesn’t know it)
Dave: New York 108, Philadelphia 96…Philadelphia…Phil-ADEL-phia…how’s that for levels, is that alright…Philadelphia, ok the Philaelphia 76ers, just let me know when I’m on Bill…the Philadelphia 76ers, the Phil-ADEL-phia 76ers, the Philadelphia 76ers …
(Bill shows Dave the On Air sign)
Dave: The Philadelphia 76ers played a game of basketball today, and here is Bill McNeal to tell you all about it.
(Dave runs out and Bill takes over)
Bill: Knicks made it a pair at Madison Square last night, as Charles Oakley led the boys in white and blue to a 108-96 embarrassment of the Orlando Magic in the second of a five game series.

In Presence (2.19), the annual radio convention is in New York which means the annual “rich radio station owner poker game!” A disheveled looking Jimmy James walks in after an all night poker game. Clearly down on his luck, WNYX staff members offer some advice.

Catherine: Listen Jimmy, if you need some good luck, let me help you out. (She pulls a charm from her pocket)
Jimmy: What, a monkey paw? Cathy, that’s bad hoodoo.
Catherine: It’s a rabbit’s foot.
Jimmy: Ohhhh, that’s good hoodoo.
Beth: Mr. James, my good luck rubber band. Wear it around your left ankle, touch it with your right hand seven times.
Jimmy: Ok, thanks.
Lisa: Cards are not a game of luck. They’re a game of strategy, statistics, probabilities and money management.
Beth: Lucky tic-tacs. Keep them in your right pocket. If you need good luck, move them to your left pocket and rub them five times. Good luck pencil. Before you meet anyone new, touch it to your forehead twelve times.
Jimmy: Are these good luck charms, or just some bizarre obsessive compulsive disorder?

Coda (2.20)
Just watch the clip.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Movie Star (3.08)
Jimmy, a diehard Knicks fan, has an extra ticket to a game at the Garden. When none of the male employees of WNYX, can go to the game, Catherine and Beth compete in basketball trivia for the chance to go to the game.

Joe: Let the quiz begin. Winner gets to go to the Knicks game with Jimmy. No substitutions, no penalties, no time limits. Pick a card, any card.
Beth: That one.
Joe: How many players are there on a professional basketball team?
Beth: Ok, there’s like 6 offense, 7 defense, 2 guys in black and white shirts. 15?
Joe: Ang! Wrong. But close.
Catherine: This is going to be easy.
Joe: In the 1976-77 season, which Pacific division player had the highest rebounding average per game?
Catherine: Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
Joe: Wrong, but very close. Jabbar had the most rebounds total, but Bill Walton, with 14.4, had the highest average per game to lead the league.
Catherine: Can’t I get partial credit?
Joe: Sorry baby, no partial credit. With me it’s all or nothing. (To Beth) Name three people who play basketball.
Beth: Michael Jordan…Rod…..man…and some guy who spit on a kid?
Joe: Can you be a little more specific.
Beth: Was it a loogie?
Joe: I’m afraid I can’t give you that one.
(a short time later)
Catherine: Wilt Chamberlain.
Joe: Wilt Chamberlain does indeed hold the NBA record.
Catherine: With 11,862 thank you very much!
Joe: But when you add Moses Malone’s totals from the ABA to his NBA total of 11,058, he comes out ahead.
Beth: My turn.
(Catherine takes the card.)
Catherine: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. How many points for a 3-point shot?
Beth: Yea! Three times the points for a regular shot.
Joe: Can you be a little more specific.
Beth: 22.

Led Zeppelin Box Set (3.13)
After a dispute between Bill and Mathew erupts, roles are reversed and Mathew assumes the role of the alpha male in the office. Bill explains that he treats others the way his family treated him.

Bill: Another time I was cut from the high school football team. And my mother said, “Central’s lost a fullback, but the McNeal’s have gained a daughter.”

Rose Bowl (3.15)
Jimmy purchases a number of, what he thinks, are movie memorabilia. Turns out, they are nothing but poorly (incredibly poorly) crafted frauds. Wanting to get his money back, but knowing his real lawyers would lose all respect for him, Jimmy enlists the help of Joe.

Dave: Joe, do you have any experience in a court of law?
Joe: 1987, Joe Garelli is arrested on a drunk and disorderly, the case is dismissed. 1989, again, drunk and disorderly; case dismissed. 1994, drunk and disorderly.
Jimmy: Case dismissed?
Joe: No, conviction. Conviction later overturned when new evidence showed that the defendant was not drunk, but merely the world’s number 1 Rangers fan returning home from the greatest overtime win in the history of the universe!

4:20 (4.20)
Once a year, Jimmy holds a charity smoker at his men’s club; usually the center of the entertainment is a featherweight boxing match. Not this year.

Jimmy: Listen, all that amateur flyweight boxing crap is all played out. Tonight, tonight’s smoker is going to be something really special. No holds barred, all out, ultimate fighting. Two men enter the ring, one man leaves. No rules, no time limits, no place to hide, baby.
Beth: Who’s going to be fighting?
Jimmy: I thought you would never ask. In this corner, weighing in at 185 lbs. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome rambling stamblin, Joe “The Gorilla” Garelli!
Joe: Nice robe Mr. James.
Jimmy: Thought you’d like it.
Dave: No. No way.
Jimmy: It’s all for charity.
Dave: No. No, Joe have you ever done this before?
Joe: Well I haven’t done it, but I’ve watched it on pay per view. I’ve never paid for it…
Dave: Alright, well who’s Joe going to be fighting?
Jimmy: I thought you would never ask. In this corner, weighing in at 143 lbs. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the dancer, the prancer, the lady romancer, Mathew “The Rock” Brock!

Other sports related scenes.
During the third season, in “The Trainer” (3.11), Bill decides to join a gym and realizes that gym membership isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. In “Balloon” (4.17), Jimmy decides that in order to compete with the pressure among other billionaires, such as Bill Gates and Rupert Murdoch, he has to fly around the world in a balloon solo. In “Big Brother” (4.15), Bill recants a wonderful story about being caught in a lie and having to take up yoga. In “Padded Suit” (5.19), Mathew has particularly hard time at a Natalie Merchant concert and seeks Joes help to learn some self defense moves. Joe proceeds to teach Max and Mathew his own martial art – Joe- jitsu.

Sadly, Newsradio was never the same after the death of Phil Hartman. While there were still laughs, it just wasn’t the same. After 5 glorious seasons that saw the NBC change the show’s timeslot 11 times, Newsradio’s run came to an end on May 4, 1999. In the years after, several former cast members have continued their apparent passion for sports/paychecks, and have appeared in sports related vehicles.

Post Newsradio:
Dave Foley – host of Celebrity Poker Showdown
Stephen Root – Appeared in Leatherheads and DodgeBall – Celebrity on Celebrity Poker Showdown
Maura Tierney – Celebrity Poker Showdown
Joe Rogan – UFC color commentator and interviewer
Jon Lovitz – the Benchwarmers
Lauren Graham – Celebrity Poker Showdown

Thanks for reading my crap. You’ve now wasted almost as much time as I have.

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

Probably by this point you are sick and tired of hearing about this “Euro Cup” deal. Sadly, this is not your means of escape. I would like to think, however, that what I’m going to present is slightly different. At least that’s the intention 40 words in. We’ll see how it goes.
If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t really contributed a whole lot regarding “relevant” or “current” sports topics. I shared pictures of smokin’ hot women. I’ve discussed my experiences watching rowing and cross country skiing. I’ve even put together a crazy story about Lil’ Penny. But nothing “now.”

Not to be too much of a walking cliché for Christian Lander’s book/website, but I’m currently studying abroad right now in Vienna, Austria. As you know, this little city is playing a fairly large role in the Euro Cup. Not to sound too ignorant, but prior to last Saturday, I really couldn’t give a damn about this soccer tournament. I didn’t know who was playing. I didn’t know who was supposed to be good. I didn’t even understand what the big deal was. It was all a “ho hum” thing. I knew Manchester United was a good team; I have in the past watched Lady Bugs and the Big Green; and I had recently watched Green Street Hooligans, but this really wasn’t enough to “get me in the zone.”

But then last Saturday rolled around and there was something in the air. I rounded up some peeps and started to make the trek to Vienna’s Fan Zone. We quickly got side tracked and changed our minds.

Rather than going to the main Fan Zone, we settled for a smaller one, located close to Vienna’s Ernst Happel Stadium, in the shadow of the world famous Risenrad ferris wheel. Baby steps. The wheel, which has been featured in “The Third Man” and the James Bond film “The Living Daylights,” was adorned with a giant Adidas ad featuring Czech goalie Petr Cech. The smaller venue was nice; we were given free rain ponchos, thunder sticks and some crazy hand things. It was a nice experience, but there were bigger fish to fry.

I watched, on local Austrian TV, most of the games this week. I could try and make comments about ball control, explosiveness, and fancy footwork, but I have no idea what I’m talking about. This stuff is reasonably entertaining. Then Thursday rolled around. Croatia vs. Germany and then the host Austrians vs. Poland. The plan was to go out for dinner to celebrate a birthday and then wander over to the main Fan Zone. Nothing says shallow soccer fan quite like watching a game with 70,000 other people.

(Croatian fans celebrating on the Ubahn (subway))

Dinner was nice, lots of schnitzel. But we wanted to watch the main event. As we’re walking to the Fan Zone, we see an obviously ecstatic (and drunk?) Croatian fan standing in the middle of the street, apparently challenging people to a fight (my understanding of slurred Croatian is rusty at best, but two raised fists is fairly universal). As we walk past him, a group of Polish fans accept his invitation, at which point all hell breaks loose. Not only are 10 or so people exchanging blows, but empty beer cans, full cups of beer and bottles are being thrown. Everything is happening so fast and I’m right in the middle of it.

I’ve seen fights before, but never anything like that. Everything

THUMP. SMASH.

A projectile bottle hits me squarely in the hip before smashing on the ground. Apparently smashing bottles is the cue for the police. Police officers, in semi riot gear, rush out of who-knows-where with batons drawn and throw the fighters to the ground, quelling the violence.

It escalated so quickly. It started with one fan “chirping.” In the blink of an eye, before anyone knew what was going on, there were 10 people brawling and anything that wasn’t securely attached to the ground was in the air before smashing when it returned to earth.

I can honestly see how, if the police aren’t “everywhere,” spontaneous riots can take place and quickly spiral out of control. Where else is it common to see brawls at 7:45 pm on a Thursday in June? Between supporters of teams that don’t face each other until next week? It’s all in the name of “passion” for your country and the sport.

While slightly rattled, we continued to the Fan Zone. A little football, 70,000 people and a nice cold beer sounds pretty good after being thwacked with a bottle. Sadly, the Fan Zone wasn’t meant to be on this night. Turns out, even 40 minutes before the game, capacity had already been reached. Police and ushers were playing the role of human barricades and turning everyone away. This led to creative ways for people to try and get inside, such as rushing the gates and hopping the fences. Needless to say, the police were less than impressed with these ideas.

While part of us wanted to experience the insanity, another, more rational part wanted to watch the game from the comfort of our home. We compromised and tried the smaller Fan Zone from Saturday. As we walked across the city, it felt as though we were living in some sort of partially militarized zone. Police were everywhere. The general feeling among the group was unease mixed with safety. What can go wrong with so many police around? Why are there so many police? What are they expecting?
We eventually made it to the Prater Fan Zone. Even it was at capacity, with police, already suited up in full riot gear, turning fans away. By this point, the first half of the Austria-Poland game was well underway. As we walked back home, we heard loud bangs. Gunshots? No. Several rounds of flares in a residential neighborhood. Someone must have scored.

With Poland holding a 1-0 lead late, I posed the question, how will the Polish “celebrate” in Vienna tonight. Violence? Maybe some instances of arson? Another member of the group chimes in, ‘The game isn’t over yet. Austria still has a chance. The bigger question is what happens if Poland ties, or even worse, loses?’

Within moments of this thought, Austria is awarded a penalty shot and converts. Tie game. Game over.
Living within a 10 minute walk of the stadium, this is huge. We immediately start to hear cars honking. The sound of police sirens. The roar of helicopters flying overhead. Flares being let off. The resonance of an ambulance. Much singing and chanting in languages that I do not understand. The entire city had erupted in an eerie mix of joy and anger.

While I still don’t understand the relative prestige of the Bundesliga, the relationship between hacking and diving or the tie-breaker rules, I’m beginning to appreciate the passion surrounding the “matches.” Hopefully in the future, as my appreciation grows, it will involve fewer projectiles. Hopefully.

I can’t wait to see what the city looks like the day after.

(The center of Vienna on Sunday morning)

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

Ahhhh, where were you when professional sports transitioned from a past time and leisure activity to a major corporate spectacle? Was it the first time you watched a soccer game and saw all the corporate logos? Was it during the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl? Maybe the San Diego Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl? Or was it during the Built Ford Tough Pre-Game Show? Or the first time your favorite stadium was adorned with a corporate logo and name?

I vividly remember the then terrible Ottawa Senators when they opened their brand new arena in early 1996. The Palladium was a beautiful, if uniquely named, arena. Ottawa had finally made it, a brand new, state of the art arena. Then, within a blink of an eye, the Palladium was gone. A mere 15 days from the time the first puck was dropped, the Palladium ceased to exist. It was now the Corel Centre. My naiveté was over. Sports was business first and entertainment second.

According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, stadium naming rights in North America date back to 1953, when Anheuser-Busch, who had recently purchased the St. Louis Cardinals, tried to rename Sportsman’s Park to “Budweiser Stadium.” MLB blocked the name change, though the stadium would eventually be renamed “Busch Stadium,” after one of the company’s founders and a soon to be released brand. Corporate naming rights were here to say.

In recent years, the amounts paid for naming rights have become almost unbelievable. The two highest thus far are both from the New York City area. CitiGroup has agreed to pay $400 million over 20 years for the rights to the New York Mets new stadium, set to open in 2009. Additionally, Barclays has agreed to shell out the same amount over the same time period for the rights to the Nets new home in Brooklyn, set to open in 2010.

With such huge sums of money being paid out, I thought it would be interesting to see how the stock prices of stadium sponsors have responded since acquiring the naming rights, particularly once the corporate name is on the stadium in season. A year and a half ago, Forbes published a list of the ten richest stadium naming rights, at the time neither CitiField now the Barclays Centre was included. Lucas Oil Field, the soon to be home of the Indianapolis Colts was; because Lucas Oil Field has yet to be used for a game, I will not include it. This is not a comparison of before and after, rather just a look at the change in the company’s stock price. If, in the future, I can find accurate, historical market capitalization figures, an update may occur.

Let’s have a look at 9 of the 10 (or 9 of the 12) most lucrative naming rights deals. Below each summary is a chart of the sponsoring company’s stock price.

Stadium: Reliant Stadium
Total value: $300 million
Length of deal: 30 years
Average annual value: $10 million
Pro sports tenants: Houston Texans
2002-present

Stadium: FedEx Field
Total value: $207 million
Length of deal: 27 years
Average annual value: $7.7 million
Pro sports tenants: Washington Redskins
1999 – Present

Stadium: American Airlines Center
Total value: $195 million
of deal: 30 years
Average annual value: $6.5 million
Pro sports tenants: Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Stars
2001- Present

Stadium: Philips Arena
Total value: $181.9 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $9.1 million
Pro sports tenants: Atlanta Hawks, Atlanta Thrashers
1999- Present

*I realize that the chart and the numbers in the table do not correspond to each other, I honestly don’t have an explanation.

Stadium: University of Phoenix Stadium
Total value: $154 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $7.7 million
Pro sports tenants: Arizona Cardinals
2006 – Present
*The University of Phoenix Online is a subsidiary of the Apollo Group. It is the Apollo Group’s stock price that is reflected here.

Stadium: Bank of America Stadium
Total value: $140 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $7 million
Pro sports tenants: Carolina Panthers
2004- Present

Stadium: Lincoln Financial Field
Total value: $139.6 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $7 million
Pro sports tenants: Philadelphia Eagles
2003- Present
* Lincoln Financial is a subsidiary of Lincoln National which is shown.

Stadium: Lucas Oil Stadium
Total value: $121.5 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $6.1 million
Pro sports tenants: Indianapolis Colts
Scheduled to open in 2008

Stadium: Invesco Field at Mile High
Total value: $120 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $6 million
Pro sports tenants: Denver Broncos
2001- Present

Stadium: Staples Center
Total value: $116 million
Length of deal: 20 years
Average annual value: $5.8 million
Pro sports tenants: Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Kings
1999 – Present

What do these numbers mean? I’m not really sure. I would like to think that stock performance has very little to do with a name on a stadium; however if a company, such as Philips, is forking over $9.1 million a year of their precious marketing budget, you would hope there is some sort of effect on market performance.

Perhaps, if given more time, I can delve further into this, however this first crack was more of a curiosity search. From a very limited sample size, and varying timeframes, it would appear that stadium naming does not have a positive effect on a company’s stock price. I have not done any correlations, and I have ignored both industry trends, such as the general slump in the airline industry and banking sector, and external factors, such as investigations into energy industry activities. On the whole, however, I would venture to say that naming rights have minimal influence on traders’ perceptions of market performance. Perhaps tracking market share and retention rates may provide clearer results.

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.

It’s that time of year – Tennis season! Sure, tennis doesn’t really have an offseason and one major tournament has already been played – the Aussi Open in January – but honestly, who really followed that? Over the next 7 weeks, two majors will be played; first the French Open at Roland Garros and then Wimbledon at the All English Club.

While there may be other tennis hungry “writers” here at The On Deck Circle who’ll talk about ace percentages, back hand form and service speeds; I want to provide you with a more aesthetically pleasing preview of the WTA’s Major Season. To keep this under the auspices of a “preview” I am only going to “profile” players ranked in the Top 25 of the Roland Garros field. These women are athletes first! Keep in mind, I really know very little about tennis.

So now, I present you 9 names to know and players to “watch” during the French Open and Wimbledon over next few weeks. Players are listed with their name, French Open ranking and listed country of origin. Names are listed by actual tennis rankings.

Maria Sharapova – 1 – Russia
This 21 year old Russian is the top ranked player in the French Open field. She is right handed and is looking to complete the career Grand Slam with a victory at Roland Garros. In 2007 she was appointed a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Development Program.

Ana Ivanovic – 2 – Serbia
This 20 year old Serbian, currently ranked second on the WTA Tour, has been a professional since 2004. Though she has yet to win a Grand Slam tournament, she made the Finals of last year’s French Open and this year’s Aussi Open.

Anna Chakvetadze – 6 – Russia
This 21 year old Russian is ranked sixth going into her fourth French Open. She has been playing tennis since the age of 8. Though she joined the International Tennis Federation tour in 2001, she didn’t debut on the WTA until 2004. She made a splash when she defeated World No. 3 Anastasia Myskina in the 2004 US Open, becoming the second fastest player to defeat a world top 10 in WTA history.

Elena Dementieva – 7 – Russia
This 26 year old, also a Russian, has been a professional for 10 years already. Though she hasn’t won a Grand Slam, she has come close on 2 occaisions, losing in the finals of the French and US Open, both in 2004. Wikipedia says “Her forehand in particular is a fearsome weapon due to the power and placement of the shot and her ability to flatten it out.” Annnnnnnd, that’s what she said.

Daniela Hantuchova – 10 – Slovakia
Hantuchova, a 25 year old Slovakian, is currently the 10th ranked player in the world. Despite being a professional since 1999, she only has 3 WTA and 3 ITF singles titles to her name. Luckily for her, she speaks six languages and was trained as a classical pianist; so she has a fall back career if the $5 million in career earnings dry up.

Nicole Vaidisova – 16 – Czech Republic
The youngest player on the list at the age of 19, Vaidisova is in her fifth year as a professional. She has won 6 WTA singles titles and has been featured in Reebok’s “I Am What I Am” and “Run Easy” campaigns. She is particularly passionate about charitable opportunities and is currently an ambassador for PlayPumps International, an NGO that hopes to bring clean drinking water to Africa.

Tatiana Golovin – 21 – France
Golovin, age 20, is the token French patriotic inclusion on the list. I suppose it’s not surprising, but she was born in Moscow before moving to Paris (see a pattern yet?) She has 2 career titles since turning pro in 2002. Her best Grand Slam finish was losing in the fourth round of the 2006 US Open.

Maria Kirilenko – 23 – Russia
Another 21 year old Russian, Kirilenko is not related to NBA player Andrei. Though she has yet to win a WTA singles title, she has won 4 WTA doubles titles with partners Maria Sharapova, Martina Hingis, Gisela Dulko and Flavia Pennetta. She was selected by Adidas to be the face of their Stella McCartnet tennis line.

Alona Bondarenko – 25 – Ukraine
Bondarenko, a 23 year old Ukrainian, has played professionally since 1999. She has had success as a doubles player, teaming with both her older sister Valeria and younger sister Kateryna. She currently is a spokeswoman for K-Swiss, along with Ana Kournikova.

Enjoy the tennis!

This article has been submitted by Alex Jackson.