The On Deck Circle

Much like KG, I haven’t slept in days. This has turned my brain into absolute mush, and wanting to throw something down at the ODC about my beloved Forum Blue-and-Gold, I figured it was best to expose just how sporadic my thought process is heading into what should be an epic Game 4:

-Lamar Odom made me want to jump out of a tall building exactly 11 times on Tuesday night, which was slightly worse than the 9 times he did so in Game 2.

-How did I never notice that Pau Gasol looks exactly like Chris Martin? Everytime that iTunes commercial comes on I half-expect the Spaniard and not Mr. Paltrow.

-Stallone, really, even Barry Bonds thinks you look ridiculous. It might be time to wean back on the performance enhancers there, big cat.

-Jack’s daughter is incredibly attractive, and the guy on his right is the goofiest looking dude in Los Angeles. Neither of them is blown away by Jack in terms of arousing my interest, which is saying something.

-Randy Newman’s “I Love LA”, which ABC and the Staples Center audio crew play every time out, contains the following lyric “Look at that bum over there, man/He’s down on his knees.” That is flipping brilliant, sir.

-The best defensive strategy for the Lakers? More Sam Cassell

-Sasha’s headband, which he says he got from a Laker girl, is LA’s fourth best player at this point

-I miss having Sager do those ridiculous between-quarter interviews. He and Pops need to start a sitcom.

-JVG, Breen and Jackson are the best NBA announcing team since the early ’90s. If they were paired with TNT’s studio crew, the world would explode from greatness.

-I don’t care what Bill Simmons says, Pierce’s bogus overreaction to his knee in Game 1 is the most overplayed and overhyped injury since Reggie’s bum ankle in the Eastern Conference Finals in 1998 (the same game he conducted the most blatant pushoff known to man).

-From the looks of things, Vlad-Ram would rather be doing just about anything than playing in the NBA Finals. He looks more scared than a woman on ‘Maury’ who is in for her fifth paternity test

-Luke Walton is an All-NBA passer; sadly, he possesses the jump-shot of a 12-year-old.

-Speaking of the Waltons, great to see Bill back in the arena, but yesh, did he ever get a sunburn before Game 3. Seeing his face in HD nearly short-circuited my TV.

-Where is Miley Cyrus at these games? Get on it ABC.

-What in the name of all things holy has gotten into Ray Allen? I insist that the Lakers head-office threaten to remove Denzel from courtside if Jesus doesn’t stop scoring like this. No Big State for you, Shuttlesworth.

-With every passing game, KG just continues to remind us how great Tim Duncan is.

-I will be shocked if Bryant doesn’t go for 40+ on Thursday

-PJ Brown is a punk. Someone had to say it.

-How do they not zoom in on Toby more? THIS GUY WAS SPIDERMAN!

-Steven Speliberg looks like he is the most awkward person ever.

-On a completely unrelated note, Tiger is going to finish second at the Open this weekend.

-Gasol looks like he doesn’t know the Finals have started already. Someone needs to pull him away from Euro 2008 to remind him it would be useful to grab a board every once in a while.

-Farmar has been outplaying D-Fish all series. That is not a good thing.

-Van Gundy talking about Alyssa Milano would have been the funniest thing all series if it weren’t for that outrageous barbershop conversation in the third quarter. I am convinced with his deadpan ability that he would place on “Last Comic Standing.”

-ABC, I get it, “Wipeout” is starting next week, now leave me alone.

-The Powe/Perkins combo is killing the Lakers frontline every game….there is no punchline to that, it’s just a fact.

-Eddie House scares the crap out of me.

-Lil’ Weezy should do the anthem before Game 4, with an auto-tuner. “Oh Say, Can You….It’s the REMIX, baby.”

-If Mamba doesn’t strangle Odom after the Playoffs, I will. There is a strong chance that he has money on Beantown.

-Lakers in Seven, Lakers in Seven, Lakers in Seven……