It’s week 6 and we’re just getting started here at The Funbox. Thanks to both Gizmo and Beer Baron for giving me, Raptor, props for Greg Olsen. This has enabled me to vault out to an early lead in the standings. Like Obama, my lead will just get bigger and bigger as time goes by.
BENCHMARKS
We finally came to a unanimous agreement on our scoring benchmarks, they are as follows
-Plays of the Wk - (QB - 18)(RB - 16)(WR - 14)(TE - 12)
-Sleepers of the Wk - (QB - 16)(RB - 14)(WR - 12)(TE - 10)
-Dud of the Wk - (QB - 8)(RB - 6)(WR - 6)(TE - 4)
-Waiver Pickup of the Wk - (QB - 14)(RB - 10)(WR - 10)(TE - 10)
-Geezer Pick of the Wk - (QB - 14)(RB - 10)(WR - 10)(TE - 8 )
In addition to the points you get for making the benchmarks - we also have two ‘prop’ points per week that are awarded to tougher choices or guys that really came through.
PROP POINTS
Raptor - 1 pt to Gizmo for Randy Moss, 1 pt to Beer Baron for Steve Slaton
Beer Baron - 1 pt to Raptor for Matt Forte, 1 pt to Raptor for Greg Olsen
Gizmo - 1 pt to Beer Baron for Steve Slaton, 1 pt to Raptor for Greg Olsen
STANDINGS
Raptor - 7 points (+6 Bonus) = 13 points
Beer Baron - 5 points (+7 Bonus) = 12 points
Gizmo - 4 points (+5 Bonus) = 9 points
The Geezer - 1/2 = 50%
QUARTERBACK OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR - Jason Campbell. How many quarterbacks not named Jason Campbell have thrown for 15 TDs and 0 Interceptions this year? None. Not even Jason Campbell has done that. But he has not thrown a pick this year and has been very consistent. Last week the Eagles tried to take away Moss and his wide receivers…Campbell just threw the ball to Cooley all night. This week the Cowboy-Killers play host to…wait for it…The Rams. Has there ever been a worse tandem of teams than Lions/Rams? This game will serve to pump the stats of all Redskin players. Campbell could put up 300 yards this week while wearing a catcher’s mitt.
Honourable Mention - Jay Cutler
BEER BARON - Tony Romo. It’s officially Pride Week for all you Romosexuals out there as Americaès team gets to feast on the Arizona Cardinals this week, a team that wouldn’t even be able to defend against The Little Giants. Favre torched them two weeks ago, and Waterboy JP Losman threw for 220 yards. that’s right, the Waterboy even had a decent game against ‘Zona, which equates to a strong day for the Cowboys offense and TO putting off pouting for at least this week.
Honourable Mention - Kyle Orton
GIZMO - Drew Brees. Brees has been the most consistent fantasy option at QB all year and this week should be no different with the pending return of top 10 wideout Marques Colston. Adding Colston to the mix can only sweeten things for Brees and the Saints, but even if Colston can’t go, there is still the small fact that they play the ever-struggling Raiders this week, looking to bounce back after a disappointing loss on Monday night.
Honourable Mention -Kurt Warner
RUNNING BACK OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR - Adrian Peterson. ADP was a serious bust last week. Everyone was expecting him to go bananas but instead he was more plantane with about 34 yards on the ground. Expect that to change this week. The Lions will act as a kinase and phosphorylize ADP this Sunday, enabling him to hit the hole with energy. He will run amok over the malfunctioning Detroit defence. Count on it.
Honourable Mention - Clinton Portis
BEER BARON - Brandon Jacobs. The BADDDESST Man Alive. Jacobs is an absolute beast both on and off the field, where rumour has it that Henry Paulson enlisted his services last week to intimidate Republicans and Democrats alike into voting for the new bailout bill. Needless to say, BH was successful, and rode that high to a monster game for fantasy owners against the Seahawks. BJ gets the Browns this week who are easier to run on than Jamie Lynn Spears is to impregnate.
Honourable Mention - Clinton Portis
GIZMO - Adrian Peterson. I usually try to avoid picking the obvious fantasy stud that is an every week start, but this matchup for Peterson is too full of potential to avoid. The Lions rush D ranks 28th and Peterson is looking to bounce back after his sole disappointing week of the year. Frerotte has been hooking up with Berrian, and Rice should be back in the lineup as well, forcing Detroit to respect the pass. Peterson should make Detroit look like Swiss Cheese and pound his way to at least a score or two.
Honourable Mention -Clinton Portis
WIDE RECEIVER OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR - Andre Johnson. Houston is 0-4 and playing a Miami team that just knocked off last year’s two best AFC teams. Still, that won’t stop Andre Johnson from cooking the Miami secondary like your Thanksgiving turkey this weekend. Johnson turned the corner last weekend and blew up with Sage Rosenfal at QB. Now with Schaub back under centre, a good run game, and with OD/Kevin Walter to keep the Dolphins honest - Andre is poised for a monster day.
Honourable Mention - Santana Moss
BEER BARON - Greg Jennings. Rest assured Cheeseheads, you have nothing to worry about concerning Aaron Rodgers…until the playoffs roll around. Rodgers had a spectacular game last weekend even with a bum shoulder, and gets the Seahawks this week, who despite their impeccable record at home over the past few years, have more problems than Lindsay Lohan. Jennings has already notched 3 TD’s this year and appears to be the go-to guy in the Green Bay offence so bank on him filling the TD column again this week
Honourable Mention - Randy Moss
GIZMO -Bernard Berrian. Yes, the Lions are that bad, heck, maybe even the Winnipeg Blue Bombers could take them right now. That is why I think they can produce a fantasy stud at both RB and WR this week. Berrian has been averaging just under 90yds/game since Gus took over the helm and it’s doubtful the Lions can put a stop to that. For those owners who were patient through the first two weeks, now is the time to reap the rewards. Make sure he’s in your lineup this week in hopes that he can mimic last week’s numbers.
Honourable Mention -Brandon Marshell
TIGHT END OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR - Chris Cooley. Cooley had a monster game last week and is poised to keep the train rolling. His career has taken a positive turn ever since he ‘accidentaly’ posted naked pictures of himself on his blog. Sarah Palin should give this a shot. The Rams don’t have any ‘backers that can run with Unruly Cooley and they can’t sacrifice a safety with Santana Moss running deep all day. The Rams will be playing to ‘not lose by too much’ and that translates to tons of short-mid passes for Cooley. In PPR he’ll play like a WR 2 this week.
Honourable Mention - Kevin Boss
BEER BARON - Chris Cooley. Cooley had an awesome game last week, as the defence shose to gang up on Santana Moss, Stephen Harper style, leaving Cooley with favourable matchups all day. I wouldn’t count on Moss being held off the stat sheet again, but Cooley should still generate enough looks from Jason Campbell this week against an all-around week Rams team, a team with a new head coach and virtually no identity.
Honourable Mention -Todd Heap
GIZMO -Jason Witten. Witten is starting to emerge as the far and away fantasy TE leader. His consistency is remarkable and it is mostly due to the fact that he’s averaging 7 receptions per game. He doesn’t rely on the deep ball for his yardage and is also a favourite red zone target for Tomo. Dallas at Arizona should be an all out aerial shootout and there should be plenty of balls to go around for Witten to achieve his fantasy stud status.
Honourable Mention -Antonio Gates
SLEEPER OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR- Willis McGahee. Willis has been mediocre at best this year. He’s had a couple weird injuries but should be close to 100% this weekend. He’ll probably lose carries to emerging Le’Ron McClain but he still is the primary back in a run first offence. Indy’s undersized D-Line is going to see a ton of beef coming at them this weekend and they will not be able to handle it. Willis is in for a big one.
BEER BARON - Anthony Gonzalez. This is a deep, deep sleeper. Peyton and the gang get the impenetrable Baltimore D this week, a matchup of two teams who have been perennial stalwarts in the AFC for the past decade. The Colts O still seems out of sync, and you expect Jim Harbaugh calling blitzes all day, meaning Manning will have to get rid of the ball quicker than an investor getting rid of his banking sector stocks, thus leading to quick 3 step drops and slants to A-Gonz in the slot all day long. It’s an extremely risky play, but if I needed a quick bye-week fill-in, A-Gonz would be my guy.
GIZMO -Michael Pittman. 1) Selving Young has been ruled out this week, giving Pittman an opportunity for more than just the goal line touches this week. 2) Tony Scheffler is out also and Eddie Royal is nursing an injury suggesting the Broncos will lean on the run game a bit more this week against a less than stellar Jacksonville defense. All signs point to his biggest game of the year and I’m having vision of the Geezer plastering Pittman posters all over this room next week.
DUD OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR -Michael Turner. The Burner has turned into a draft day steal, performing in the Top 3 RB’s irrespective of format. This week he will be useless. Turner blows up against bad teams but struggles against good ones. The Chicago Bears will own the line of scrimmage and stop Turner in the backfield whenever Atlanta is dumb enough to try a running play. They will force Ryan to beat them - and he won’t.
BEER BARON - Frank Gore. Google Labs came out with a phenomenol new tool called ‘Mail Goggles’ this past week, which help you avoid sending all those regrettable, profane emails when you get home from the bar juiced on a Friday night. They also created it for Niners fans and Frank Gore owners this Sunday, who, watching their main man fail to perform for them, will have no other choice but to get blitzed and be in a state of rage against the world. Philly is going to be without Westbrook, the heart of their offence, so if they’re gonna win this pirovtal game, their defence is going to have to shut down Gore. Something tells me they will rise to the occassion…
GIZMO -Peyton Manning. If it wasn’t a fourth quarter collapse by Sage Rosenfails that rivaled the collapse of the US economy this week, Manning would not have broken 200 yards against Houston last week. Now he’s up against the number one ranked Ravense defense and it’s time to start looking for some alternatives in the quarterback position. Don’t be surprised if Indy gets shut down hard this week, so if you’re got a reasonable backup QB who’s been itching to see some action, now would be the time to call that audible.
WAIVER PICKUP OF THE WEEK
RAPTOR - Correll Buckhalter. The latest news from Philly is that Westbrook will not be able to suit up this weekend. Philly has a solid O-line and the pass should help open up big running lanes for Buckhalter this Sunday. Booker is a non-factor, SF can be run on and will have to drop men back in coverage, and the Eagles will be motivated for a season changing game. Bucks has more sleeper than a Pullman Car this week and should be good for a hundo on the ground and a score or two.
BEER BARON - Cedric Benson. It was just meant to be… Cedric Benson and the Cincinnati Bengals, a team that really needs to pull a Portland Trail Blazers - clean house and start anew. That seemingly won’t happen this year, and with Chris Perry being victim to fumbilitis epidemic, the door has been left open for Benson to rejuvenate himself. He had a strong debut last week, and Marvin Lewis has committed towards using Benson more in the future. At worst, you’re left with a guy who’ll probably split carries. At best, he could be a low-end RB2, a good flex option for you the rest of the way.
Raptor’s Rebuttal - I’m pretty sure that Cedric Benson has fallen victim of…Being Cedric Benson. If go to Subway, get two footlong Lobster subs, and put them end-to-end you will have Benson’s career YPC. He’s brittle, slow, and hits the hole with as much authority as a substitue Spanish teacher.
GIZMO -Greg Olsen. For those of you, who either have a bye or need a fill in for the injured Tony scheffler this week, Olsen appears to be your guy. Orton has been playing like a fantasy stud, putting up numbers that Rex Grossman has wet dreams about, and Olsen is starting to get more involved. His numbers should only improve from here on out and the Bears should be able to put up some decent numbers against the overrated Falcons next week.
GEEZER SPECIAL OF THE WEEK
Brett Farve. This pick was coming sooner or later… Cincinnati has been terrible this season. Their pass defense is ranked pretty well so far, but teams have stopped throwing on them when the game gets out of hand. This probably won’t happen this week as the Jets have ran less than all but 3 teams this season. They were quite happy to let Farve pad his stats against Arizona two weeks ago and I don’t see this game being much different.
